When you promised me an 'Eternity'

NHK lady on rainy days, 
Bananas in the fridge
 and things that don't last forever.

I believe there is a huge difference between being a really kind person or being unable to say 'no' of which, I guess I am the latter part.

I can play nice but there is always the ugly side to me like the rest of the whole where I can't always pass things off. I can't be kind all the times.
I just don't know how to say no.

well, at the end of the day... having that kind of personality did lead me up to grabbing myself an NHK subscription for six months (although I never watch programs).

It was raining that day, as I laid on the futon and casted my mind away to places my feet would have loved to walk on, of the things my eyes would have enjoyed seeing.
Then the intercom rang  in the midst of the thoughts sprawling on the floor in front of me and the rain drops, trailing down the glass of my sliding door.

Through crackles I could barely make out the voice.
She stated her name and business I couldn't catch but I didn't want to be rude to ask again after two minutes of uninterrupted introduction. (That just wasn't allowed in the unspoken law of human nature.) I just told her to hold on and opened the door.
Quickly collecting pieces of myself from the floor, I grabbed my green cardigan and walked outside.

I walked few doors away from mine and waiting near the elevator.
After a minute or so, the door opened and she came out stumbling. A lady in her late twenties probably, drenched in the rain. She didn't see me waiting and was trying to fix her disheveled hair. Once she realised I was standing there, she tried to get herself together.

Like a cat, in the pouring rain. I watched her. She came out of the elevator in a stumbling motion but didn't trip to my surprise.

Helpless and clumsy, she tried to confirm who I was. Once she realised she was standing in front of the foreigner twerp, she shook out of her day dream. she explained herself.

A trap was all I could think. Was that how T.V service providers all tricked their customers into subscribing?

I told her I didn't have a T.V and she took out another paper telling me I could use my laptop to watch. The desperation in her voice, her clumsy manner- I was quite shocked to see someone so clumsy trying to be a salesperson. How many people had rejected her? How long has she been walking in the rain? Would I meet a kind person if I ever took up a job like hers? (In the, end I felt more sorry for an alternative me in another universe than for her who was standing her, dropping papers here and there and I guess that's how I couldn't say no).

That's how I am now subscribed to NHK though I don't watch anything on my laptop.

Moving onto my other topic,

This is to anyone who's 'other half' has promised you an eternity and a love that would last forever.
To teenager who thinks the world of your boyfriend- now is the chance!
RUN! RUN! don't look back! keep moving without letting him know. It's a trap. You would entrust and invest all your treasures and then within a week, you'll find them all withered.

I always believed there was eternity somewhere- mum made it seem like there was.
Parents make it seem so easy to place our beliefs in words we only hear but can't feel.
However, being on my own- I have been hugely shock to discover there is no forever- nothings stay the same or fresh. There was no one to teach me, that I would get hurt if I relied too much on just the word, 'eternity.'

I don't know if this feeling after discovery is of hurt, shock, or pure hatred but the one thing I had trusted without ever a benefit of doubt, just destroyed all my faith in true love.

Why would you give yourself to someone who only uses words of 'forever' when even your fridge can't promise you fresh food forever?

Yes, I thought refrigerators were the answer to the word 'forever'. But coming home to find, wilted lettuces and blackened bananas (that looked like they took a vacation in Hawaii), the little faith I had in the world came crashing down.

Really, what is the use of refrigerators apart from cooling stuff if it can't promise to keep my food fresh forever?
What's the point go even buying one. I feel like I have been made a fool of.

Because of this incident- I'll probably never get married.
I am taking this and forever engraving in the back of my heart as a metaphor for life and a reason to not fall stupidly in love.
(To never lose my level-headedness or rationality).

Gummy Sonam

Catching souls

How do you breathe life back to what's already gone?

How do you catch a soul escaping a body?

An expired time.

So today, I was walking around Ueno with a friend of mine. We came upon around three people collapsed on the ground in different places at different times. First one was near building, suffering from heat stroke and luckily being handed water by a young troubled security guard who was trying his best to remain calm but as he spoke through his transmitting device or whatever you call it. The other was inside a restaurant  we were walking past.  Under the Noren (The short japanese curtains hung at the entrance of stores and restaurants), we could clearly see him passed out  on the ground- right at the entrance and surprisingly no one seemed to be doing anything. Not the people in the restaurant nor the staffs themselves. So I am just assuming that guy was probably dead drunk.

The third one- wasn't heat stroke nor overdosed on alcohol. We were at the train station and slowly climbing the stairs towards the platform. As soon as my eyes met the ground of the platform, to my left I witnessed a man drop dead in an instant.

I have lived for 18 springs on this planet but this is the first time, I saw life at its end right before my very eyes.  Station attendants ran, put the man (with grey hair) on the stretcher and tried to divert the crazy crowd that was jumping out of the JR yamanote train from the right and charging towards the blue train (I have never seen before) on the left. 

I got onto my JR line on the right and watched out of the window as the two station attendants tried to  get ahold of the man and the third one, trying to get the crowded lining up for the train to move out of the way.

Even after a while, my train wasn't moving and I could barely make out the automatic Japanese announcer apologising and whatnot. So I got out of the train and made my way to the platform on the left side. Only then, did the paramedics come in sight. Three men uniformed in sky blue, running towards me with urgency. (The colour had me fooled!) and one of them, missed the man and went far ahead and his colleague has to call him back. 

They tried to bring him back to life. (Funny I used to listen to  Evanesence plead for life and no one seemed to be doing anything). 

As I slowly got on the blue lined train along with the other passengers. I watched as human beings tried to slow down the cycle of life. 

What was the man thinking when he left his house this morning? Did he know his time would come soon? Without a warning, to collapse at a train station surround by strangers who aren't affected at all for they don't know him. Did he have any idea- wasn't there any signs? What about his dreams?  Did he try to fight against the shutter of his eyes?

The train slowly drew away as all eyes followed the last image of the scene in silence. During the whole time, I couldn't see his face- only managing to catch a glimpse of his grey hair and his white collared shirt. We watched the six men tried their best to change the course of fate but in vain. Oxygen mask and other equipments but the man never lifted a finger. 

When we were out of sight, people returned back to their normal conversations except one, 

that caught my attention. "Looks like Heart attack."

It was only once that I reached Akihabara station that I stopped and realised,  "I may have just watched the death of a man right in front of my eyes" but slowly like million other hapless living creatures, I drowned myself in the crowd  that cannot seem to be able to grasp hold of tomorrow.