Sunday, 20 July 2014

When you promised me an 'Eternity'

NHK lady on rainy days, 
Bananas in the fridge
 and things that don't last forever.

I believe there is a huge difference between being a really kind person or being unable to say 'no' of which, I guess I am the latter part.

I can play nice but there is always the ugly side to me like the rest of the whole where I can't always pass things off. I can't be kind all the times.
I just don't know how to say no.

well, at the end of the day... having that kind of personality did lead me up to grabbing myself an NHK subscription for six months (although I never watch programs).

It was raining that day, as I laid on the futon and casted my mind away to places my feet would have loved to walk on, of the things my eyes would have enjoyed seeing.
Then the intercom rang  in the midst of the thoughts sprawling on the floor in front of me and the rain drops, trailing down the glass of my sliding door.

Through crackles I could barely make out the voice.
She stated her name and business I couldn't catch but I didn't want to be rude to ask again after two minutes of uninterrupted introduction. (That just wasn't allowed in the unspoken law of human nature.) I just told her to hold on and opened the door.
Quickly collecting pieces of myself from the floor, I grabbed my green cardigan and walked outside.

I walked few doors away from mine and waiting near the elevator.
After a minute or so, the door opened and she came out stumbling. A lady in her late twenties probably, drenched in the rain. She didn't see me waiting and was trying to fix her disheveled hair. Once she realised I was standing there, she tried to get herself together.

Like a cat, in the pouring rain. I watched her. She came out of the elevator in a stumbling motion but didn't trip to my surprise.

Helpless and clumsy, she tried to confirm who I was. Once she realised she was standing in front of the foreigner twerp, she shook out of her day dream. she explained herself.

A trap was all I could think. Was that how T.V service providers all tricked their customers into subscribing?

I told her I didn't have a T.V and she took out another paper telling me I could use my laptop to watch. The desperation in her voice, her clumsy manner- I was quite shocked to see someone so clumsy trying to be a salesperson. How many people had rejected her? How long has she been walking in the rain? Would I meet a kind person if I ever took up a job like hers? (In the, end I felt more sorry for an alternative me in another universe than for her who was standing her, dropping papers here and there and I guess that's how I couldn't say no).

That's how I am now subscribed to NHK though I don't watch anything on my laptop.

Moving onto my other topic,

This is to anyone who's 'other half' has promised you an eternity and a love that would last forever.
To teenager who thinks the world of your boyfriend- now is the chance!
RUN! RUN! don't look back! keep moving without letting him know. It's a trap. You would entrust and invest all your treasures and then within a week, you'll find them all withered.

I always believed there was eternity somewhere- mum made it seem like there was.
Parents make it seem so easy to place our beliefs in words we only hear but can't feel.
However, being on my own- I have been hugely shock to discover there is no forever- nothings stay the same or fresh. There was no one to teach me, that I would get hurt if I relied too much on just the word, 'eternity.'

I don't know if this feeling after discovery is of hurt, shock, or pure hatred but the one thing I had trusted without ever a benefit of doubt, just destroyed all my faith in true love.

Why would you give yourself to someone who only uses words of 'forever' when even your fridge can't promise you fresh food forever?

Yes, I thought refrigerators were the answer to the word 'forever'. But coming home to find, wilted lettuces and blackened bananas (that looked like they took a vacation in Hawaii), the little faith I had in the world came crashing down.

Really, what is the use of refrigerators apart from cooling stuff if it can't promise to keep my food fresh forever?
What's the point go even buying one. I feel like I have been made a fool of.

Because of this incident- I'll probably never get married.
I am taking this and forever engraving in the back of my heart as a metaphor for life and a reason to not fall stupidly in love.
(To never lose my level-headedness or rationality).

Gummy Sonam

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