Saturday, 17 May 2014

To the seven year old me.

"Dreams require sacrifices, what have you sacrificed?"

「Dear seven year old Sonam,

Here, grab a seat.
Settle down.
Okay, now I am going to tell you something important-
but before that, I need to clarify a few things.

First of all, no!
You can't get inside the T.V and solve the problem for your Bollywood actors.
Don't spend your time searching behind the telly. There is no secret portal that'll help you tell off the evil mother in law.
It's a waste of time, really!

Secondly, NOPE!
Continents aren't divided by religion and no, Asians aren't just buddhist!
You, little stereotyping brat.(heh)
Asia is made of many vibrant cultures and religions.
But I don't blame you- you'll find out soon enough and you too will fall in love with it.

And lastly,
It's no use worrying about why your best friend has been hanging out with another classmate a lot lately.  Don't worry about getting left behind. Why?
because 11 years from now, you won't even remember your best friend's favourite colour.

Listen closely now,
For now I am about to tell you about you, about me and about us in a future you never saw coming.

Your favourites dolls are going to be locked up in boxes up in the attic, never to see the light or feel the warmth of your hands.
Unfortunately, you won't be able to become the youngest Bhutanese writer but don't stop working on that story ,'The poor father who had a beautiful daughter,"I still think it's by far the best story I ever came up with.
I am taking away your dream of going to high school with your friends.
I am taking you far away from the comforts of home and a familiar environment.
But most of all, I am taking away the definition of 'home' from you.

I'll be honest.
You probably won't like the older you.

Stop keeping count of the things you lose because as every year passes, you are going to lose more than you can count.
You were taught in school that grandpas and grandmas are old so they die- but they never tell you other family members die, pets die and friends die too.

Someone came up with this word YOLO a while back, but I don't get why people would live by it, doing the stupidest things? I mean we only live once so might as well live it right, right?! We may only live once but we have to live through every second, minute and hour.

I don't reflect you- I have stop reflecting you since a long time back.  You can't openly express your  worries or cry whenever you feel like it. (Those pair of invisible warm hands stopped reaching out since a long time back. Tears no longer have the magic they used to have as a kid). You no longer can make friends without worrying if they have any hidden agendas.
I'll be honest- even I think I liked myself back then when I trusted people, was never suspicious of strangers and never doubted a stranger's kindness. However, the years between us taught me adults can be useless, people aren't kind and we have to make sacrifices.

Dear seven year old Sonam,
Never stop being a great person because I was once told by an old couple(friends of mine) that my parents must be really good people. I wondered why they thought so when they hadn't even met my parents. They answered that they knew because I was a good person, because a child reflects what his/her parents are.

And while I think so too,  I am also aware that I am a reflection of the places I travelled to, of the people I met and the cultures I have dived into.

Then there is our dream-
You'll hate me for this. After you finish high school, you'll move to Malaysia to study, It's set that you'll be studying in Malaysia for two years and then off to Australia. While the 16 year old us, is busy attempting to close a chapter to her 'Japan dream', a light sparks somewhere and soon, we're standing at the edge. The 17 year old us finishes a year in Malaysia but halfway throughout the year, she'll just stop.

The thought will hit her hard, it's weight crushing her abilities to think rationally(hehe).
"Do we want to live this way? Choosing the safest option, standing behind the line-
Four years of our youth-probably the last years of our youth, sitting inside the comfort zone,"
While our friends prepare their documents and attend lectures for the degree programs, she will pull away- won't confirm her seat for next year.
She's ready.

Long story short, that's how we jump shipped and ended up where we are right now.
Paying bills in languages we don't understand,
Away from the people who knew us,
In a place where we are almost invisible,
Oceans away from the things we grew up with.

A future that is no longer secure,
It's really scary- and honestly, I have never been more scared than this.
However, the uncertainty continues to pull me in.
Maybe it's my age because it's a given, we make stupid choices at this age but I would like to think, this has been by far the most right choice I have gambled with.

However, seven year old Sonam,
Yes, there were be sacrifices- a lot of them in fact.
Not all will be physically visible but they will disappear, one by one.Things you used to consider dear to you.
But this is Life.
just trust me on this one for we will go on an adventure, fall in love with places and people. In turn, discover our full potential so someday we can paint ourselves with the colours of the cultures we immerse ourselves in and reflect the people we met through this lifetime.

Don't let go,

For most of all we are taking a leap of fate.」

Gummy Sonam

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